Archives for category: me

I know I probably say this every year but I am seriously shocked at how fast the years go by.  I really just don’t get it.  2012 ended much faster then I was ready for and I feel like my head is still spinning a bit.  Looking back we had such a great year, each of us individually and as a family.  We tried new things, went new places, and made new friends.  Over all it was just fun!!  My word for last year was Let It Be, and once again it was perfect for what I needed and it helped me so much move on from some of the sadness of the past few years.  In fact, I liked it so much I will probably keep it as a back up word for this year too, it’s just that awesome.  I had a really hard time coming up with this years word, I thought for a while that maybe I just needed to do a second year of Let It Be and then finally, last night, I put my finger on what I was feeling that I wanted this year to be.  So, it all kinda started with the marathon.  Early last year Mike and I signed up for the St. George marathon as a way to get moving and to try and do something hard and to definitely do something we have never done before.  And all those things were exactly what it was for us.  Over the course of the whole experience though I realized something about myself.  Running just doesn’t fill my soul and why was I putting so much time and energy into something that doesn’t do that for me?  I realized that I should be spending my time doing things that will fulfill me as a person, not just doing things because everyone else is doing it.  I have thought a lot about all the things that would fill my soul and that led to my word for 2013.

Ready for it?

LIVE

This year I want to live!!

I want to do things fun and different and hilarious and colorful and beautiful.  And I want that in all aspects of my life, at home and in my business.  All the possibilities kind of make my head explode and last night I just couldn’t sleep because I was so excited.  Here is a little list of things that are some of the things I want to experience this year…

1.  I want to go for a ride in a hot air balloon.

2.  I want to go to monument valley.  We have talked about doing this for the last 5 years, I just want to go already

3.  I want to learn how to make funnel cake.

4. paint, paint, paint.  For my birthday Mike signed me up for an art class and I just can’t wait for it to start.  Painting definitely fills my soul.

5.  Mike and I have been working on a project for about the last 3 years, this is the year I want to let it out into the world.  It’s been a lot of hard work and a lot more hard work is needed but I think it’s going to be amazing.

6.  I want to own a cactus.  I have a hard time keeping plants alive, but I love them, so I think I just have to find ones that will work for me and I think a cactus might be it.  Plus, I just think they are neat.

7.  I want to do at lest 2 photo essays.  I want to do one of each of my boys and where they are in their life right now because they are on the verge of some pretty big changes in the next few years and just want to remember all that they are now.

So, that’s the start of what I think is a promising list.  I’m excited to add to it and see where it takes me.  I think all this living is going to be rad!

Last year my band was Dave Matthews and he was good to me.  We didn’t get to see him live but there is always this year. That would fall perfectly into my year of really living.

For this year I want my music to be that of Bon Iver.  I just discovered him a few months ago and he moves my soul, I truly love it and it makes me happy.

I did alright with my Polaroid photo project last year, surprisingly I still have 4 packs of film left so the fun will continue! Here are some highlights and I really hope that blogging won’t be on the back burner this year because I really love this blog.  Happy 2013!!

P.S.  If you are interested in reading more about my yearly word you can check out these posts… 2011 Gratitude… 2010 Love… 2009 Eliminate

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Blogging is something that has really taken a back seat this year and that’s ok, it’s life I guess.  I have been doing a lot of art lately, not computer art but painting and all sorts of other things.  It seems like I always come back to photography though.  Here is something I put together tonight and it sums up my life perfectly right now.

He just makes me happy.

today i cleaned out my office and here is a little list of things that i discovered.

1. i have many, many pencil sharpeners.

that is all.

This year I am going to start putting favorite recipes on here just so that I have them in one place to remember forever.  I have been wanting to learn how to make Tapioca Pudding for a while and I am so happy I finally learned, this recipe is for sure one that I will never want to forget!  Here we go….

Mix

4 cups of milk

2/3 cups of sugar

1/2 cup of small tapioca pearls

2 eggs

all together in a crock pot.  Cook on high for 3 hours or low for six, I did the low because Mike is certain that cooking it slow will make it taste better.  Stir occasionally.   About an hour before it was finished I added about a teaspoon of vanilla but I found a  bunch of other recipes that had you add vanilla before with all the other ingredients and others that had you add it after it was done cooking, I don’t know enough about vanilla to know when is the best time so I say add it whenever you want.  And that is it, it was so good I couldn’t wait for it to cool down!!  Makes 8 servings, so you might want to double it.

2010 is over already, the way the years fly by kinda makes my head spin!  Is it really necessary that the days go by at warp speed?  This summer my boys will turn 8 and 10, seriously, how did that happen, they were just babies!!!  I don’t get it, but hopefully my word this year will help me… but I am getting a head of myself, first I must talk about LOVE!!  Oh how great this word has been to me, I have learned so much this year it has really been incredible!!  As I reread my word post for last year it makes me happy to see how far one year has brought me, and while at the beginning of 2010 I was hoping for an easy trial-less year I am so happy that I didn’t get it!!  This last year has been wonderful in a lot of ways and really, REALLY hard in others which I also see as wonderful once I get a chance to break away from the hardness and see how it is helping me grow.  I am happy to report I fell in love with many things, not only did I fall in love with cooking I also found a love for all things kitchen!  On some days I really love being in there and the food that I make is actually good!  Who knew I could be good at that?!!  Not me, that’s for sure, until this year!!

This year I also fell in love with Netflix, everything about it is awesome, that is all.

I have had 2 callings in church this year and while I enjoyed the first one (helping out with the scouts) I am really loving the one we have now which is teaching the 8 and 9 year olds in primary.  Preparing the lessons have helped me on my quest to fall in love with the scriptures which I am still working on, and I am learning so much, I really love it when I realize how good something is for me.  I was super overwhelmed when we got the call and I may have cried but it has been exactly what I have needed and something I am really happy to do!!

My Grama taught me the most about love this year.  To her, love was an action word, she didn’t just talk about it or say the word a lot, she showed her love for everyone by serving and giving and supporting and teaching and hugging!  She taught me a lot about love when she let me serve her and watching Mike do what he did for her made me fall in love with him more than I thought possible.  We buried my Grama on our 11th wedding anniversary and it was a day I know I will never forget.  I felt so lucky and proud to be a part of her family and extremely happy to be loved by Mike and our boys.  I know that my mission to love more will not end with this year, it is a life quest and a darn good one, I think!!  I know I will never be as great at loving as my Grama was but I’m going to keep at it anyway.

I feel a bit sad for who I was a year ago when it comes to loving myself, as I read that post I noticed that I was basing my ability to love who I am completely on what I looked like on the outside.  There is a lot more to me than that and sadly it took losing a bunch of weight and then gaining it all back to realize I have more to offer the world than fitting into a certain size jean.  My quest to control my weight will go on forever, I am sure, but my reasons have totally changed.  There are some things that I don’t like about me but there are  a lot more that I do like and over all I am happy to be me!

When my word for 2011 came to me it came like a punch in the face which makes me really excited about it and also a little scared!  Interestingly, that punch in the face came about 3 months ago and it has already started changing me for the better, seriously, I highly recommend a word of the year, it’s crazy cool!!  drumroooooollllllllll….

GRATITUDE

I have to admit that I am the kind of person that says ” I can’t wait until this happens, then things will be better.” or ” as soon as we get thru that, life will be awesome”  Just over the past 3 months this word has helped me to slow down, look around and even though things might not be ideal, I can find the happiness by counting my blessings.  I feel like 2011 is a big present I can’t wait to open!  And I feel really happy that love goes hand in hand with gratitude.

For my band this year I decided to try something different.  Instead of picking a band that I love I thought I would pick something unfamiliar and see if I could find something new to love!  So, David Bowie, you are my man for the year!  I really only know a handful of Bowie stuff and I am excited to learn more about him and his music.  So if anyone out there has some Bowie music they would like to share with me, that would be awesome, or even just recommendations on what to listen to would be killer!

I am also going to add a photography project to my list of do’s for the year.  It will be called the yellow collection.  The idea is that when I see anything that is yellow I will take a picture of it, through out the year I will post them here and by the end of 2011 I will have a big collection of yellowness.  I hope it will turn out cool!  HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!

On Sunday I woke up and I was still tired and I really didn’t want to get up and get ready for church.  Then I thought to myself, “self, if I really don’t want to go this bad there must be something very important I need to hear today.”  So, I got up.  We were a little bit late but I was excited to be there to see what it was I needed to hear, and oh, there was so much!!  We had the sister missionaries speak and they both gave excellent talks and one of them shared this quote by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf

“What we love determines what we seek.  What we seek determines what we think and do.  What we think and do determines who we are – and who we will become.”

I loved this the moment I heard it and I know it will be something I think about the rest of my life.  So, I wanted to share it with you.

I have taken a break from blogging for the past few weeks and I have to say it has been kinda nice.  At first it was a break from all things computer and I did a lot of reading in my reading room, it was great.  Then I started working a lot and I still am so I am here on the computer again, but lately it seems like we are just floating from one big mess to another, so I haven’t had a whole lot of time to do much else, it’s kinda crazy.  Last night Link was in the tub and he wanted to talk to me to so I went in there and as I walked in the bathroom I stepped into an inch of water and Link said “Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.”  I was tired and on the verge of freaking out but Link was “reeeeeeeally soooooorry” so I calmly started to clean up, got him out of the tub and Jack in, and I took the big arm full of wet rugs to the washing machine.  I changes out all the laundry and was carrying the laundry basket to my room when I passed by the boys bathroom, what I saw was Jack, in the tub, with the biggest smile on his face, and he was sliding back and forth, at the moment I was walking by about 2 gallons of water went over the edge of the tub all over the floor that I had just cleaned.  I had one of those moments where I just wanted to throw a fit and scream and cry but at the same time I was trying not to laugh at the pure happiness that I saw on Jack’s face because he had succeeded in creating a tidal wave.  I have been thinking a lot about about that today and it hit me that, while life will throw me one disaster after another, it’s ok because there is happiness in disaster, and I can find it, if I look for it.

 

Earlier this year I was talking to my mom, I think, about clothes and the weight I had lost recently and I said to her, “It is so good to feel like myself again.”  Tonight I realize how sad that statement was, who was I all the years I was fat?  And if I get fat again will I turn back into someone else?  That’s crazy, I’ve always been me, I just didn’t really know it.  I am starting to realize that getting skinny was not the answer to learning to love myself that I thought it would be.  Each day I watch as my Grama’s mind become more and more disconnected from her body, her body is now something she has little control over and when you talk to her about it she says things like, “I have had 80 great years of walking and I am lucky and happy to have had that!”  She is not anyone different because her body is not what she wants it to be.  I wish I could be more like her.  If I were in her shoes I doubt I would accept it all with the grace she has shown over the past few months.  I feel very lucky that I could be here to learn from her.  She tells me all the time how lucky she is to have me but she really has no idea how much it is the other way around.  Tonight I feel happy to have 2 strong arms that I can hold my kids with, I’m happy to have 2 working legs so I can easily get around, I am happy to be here where I am today with the body I know I wanted so badly, and even though it is not perfect it is mine.  And that’s good.

Dear Paul,

I hope it’s ok that I call you Paul, even though you don’t know me, I have known you for a long time.  It was 20 years ago this summer, I was 12 and we were staying in a hotel, there was a record store in the mall next to it.  One day I went into the record store with some money I wanted to spend, about an hour later I walked out with the first tape I had ever bought.  It was Past Masters Volume 2.  I listened to it a lot.  A few years later my family started listening to that tape and I lost track of it after that but it was alright because I had started collecting everything I could with your name on it on CD, and vinyl if I could find it.

I wanted you to know how you helped me make friends when I was the new girl, and those friends have been the best.  I wanted you to know that at times your words have moved me to tears, and at other times your words have thrown me into a fit of giggles.  I wanted you to know that when a Beatles song is playing my kids sing along and that makes me happy.  I wanted you to know that all memories I have related to you and your friends make me smile.

I had resigned myself many years ago to the fact that I would never be able to see you live, I was a child of the 70’s after all and pretty much missed the boat.  Then, for Mother’s Day in 2005 Mike gave me tickets to your show in Vegas.  BEST. MOTHER’S. DAY. EVER.  After the show my husband asked me what other goals in life I had now that I had seen your show, I looked at him and said “I want to see him again!!”  That show was among some of the best hours of my life.  That is, until Tuesday.  This past Tuesday I was able to go with my husband and my 2 boys to your show in Salt Lake.  My boys are 8 and 7 and I sat between them.  Now, they weren’t perfect angles the whole show, at about 9:30 Jack asked if we could leave because he was ready for bed, and unless you were playing a Beatles tune Link went back and forth between picking a scab and leaning over Mike’s knee so the he could draw on his back.  But they were there with me, and I know it will be something they won’t forget.  For me, words can not really describe how I felt when I looked over and saw my 8 year old yell “JET”, he even included the fist pump.  The indescribable feeling continued as my 7 year old put one arm around my neck and one around his dad’s neck and sang at the top of his voice “LIFE GOES ON, BRA!!  LALA HOW THE LIFE GOES ON”  The way you went from A Day in the Life to Give Peace a Chance gave me the chills and the fireworks during Live and Let Die made me scream and laugh and jump up and down. So many times during the show I would look around and think “remember as much of this as you can, remember, remember, remember.”  It was a perfect night and you gave me yet another memory that I will hold to for the rest of my life.   For that, I just can’t thank you enough.  I’m not sure if I will ever have the opportunity to see you again,  chances are, I won’t, but I feel so overly content with the experience of seeing you with my family that it’s ok for now.   I am filled with so much happiness I feel it bubbling around inside me.

Paul, you’re the best.

I sincerely thank you for everything.

I hope you are well.

love,

Deb